It was as though I was a character in a movie,
unrealistically coming to a realization at random far later than I should have
(wait, how did Mr. Magoo know I was in the cemetery?).
The realization I
came to, however, had nothing to do with anyone but myself. As I drove down the
empty street at the onset of dusk, it hit me: I’ve got a great life.
But of course I do. I knew this. I just never realized the
extent to which my life has been blessed by Santa or Peyton Manning or
whomever. I’m so incredibly lucky. I can’t imagine what else I could possibly
ask for.
I was born in the perfect time. I can watch sports and
report in them in real time. I can blog; it’s the truest passion I have. Moreover,
I’ve been surrounded by the friends and family one could only dream of. In
fact, the amount of positivity in my life has been astounding.
I’ve been blessed with looks.
I can write (and it’s all I want to do).
I’ve never gone hungry.
I’ve never wanted for anything…expect for the ability to
enjoy all I have.
In fact, my lack of appreciation for what I’ve been given
sickens me. I haven’t approached my life with the positivity my situation
warrants.
But, if there’s one thing I regret more than anything, it’s
the lack of protection I’ve given to my greatest gift of all.
She is my greatest gift. She is the only one who’s true to
me through everything. She sees the beauty in all I do and lets me know it. I
too see the beauty in her. Yet far too often I let this beauty be clouded by
unimportant, ancillary factors.
In a phrase: I’ve been a spoiled bitch.
To a great enough degree that I’ve pushed her away. Perhaps
this will be good for her. Perhaps it will teach me how to appreciate the World’s
greatest beauty when it’s right in front of me. Oh, and is there a lot to
appreciate.
She’s weird. So very strange. She’s not after anything but
love and happiness in a relationship. Her eye does not stray. She isn’t
concerned with the traditionally beautiful male. She’s concerned for me. She
made me see what was beautiful about myself. And I have failed to return the
favor. I have failed to appreciate what I’ve been given.
In a perfect world, I’d be given a second chance to show her
and everyone what I’ve learned. I’d take her out; take her to places to would
thrill and please her. As ridiculous as it sounds, I’d take her to the zoo. I’d
take her to the science museum; I’d take her to dinner. I’d make her smile, I’d
pick her up when she was down and I’d listen.
I’d make her happy. I’d make her love me. I’d make her miss
me when I’m gone. I’d make her know she’s as beautiful as I see her. And, against
her will, I’d sing to her.
But this world isn’t perfect. And I might never get that
chance.
